I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner, playin' my music in the suuuuuuun....

What?  2 blog posts in one night!?  Impossible you say?  Noooo. 

Something just occured to me...in my blogging, it has MADE me search for spiritual answers.  When I am puzzled, when I am angry or upset, I have turned to Bible gateway, or my favorite quote site, and many other great Googled resources on the topic of frustration at hand.  And while I haven't kept a journal/diary since I was a little girl, I realized that's sorta what my blog is, my thoughts, good, bad and otherwise.  I have found sound Biblical answers, and God-inspired words of wisdom in this process.  It's like my own personal mini-Bible study, with no real accountability or regularity, based upon my own spiritual needs, and thus far, I feel like I am getting ALOT out of it.  To each their own, right?  Accompanied by some sincere prayer, and some "a-ha" moments, this is pretty ok!  Not at all to say that any other Bible study wouldn't be just as awesome, but this has just really worked well for me lately with my swinging moods and lack of desire to leave my house, and I encourage everyone to record their thoughts, their journey, their pain and their pursuit of Godly wisdom for everyone to see or read, is there any greater testimony?  I enjoy writing, it's always been a release for me, but this is so much more because I crave substance and answers, and God is revealing them to me in the process.  What I choose to do with those answers, is entirely up to me, sometimes I can grasp it, and sometimes I am too wrapped up in my own head to let it all sink in and penetrate my spirit.  Nevertheless, the answers are here.  I also think most people appreciate honesty, openness, and frankness. I know I respect that in others a great deal.  I pray whoever reads this will be blessed and can have hope and peace that only Jesus can bring, if they feel as hopeless as I had felt this last Winter.

 Anyway, if you know me or have spent much time with me, you know I love to laugh and act silly, but this is my place to be serious (well, sometimes-ha).  This is my place to express my gratitude for God's grace, and allow others to see how I really feel about my spiritual life.  I hope to spread that in other ways at some point, but Rodney did a recent sermon on letting our light shine...whatever you can do to touch another, bring another to the Lord, share your experiences to provide comfort.  I know my outer persona doesn't necissarily exude spirituality (another work in progress), in fact, catch me on a bad day and it's much the opposite, but I desire to keep pursuing God's righteousness and will for my life, it's a journey...and it's here for all to read.  And if it can help anyone, or allow anyone to explore and cultivate their own relationship with Christ and document it, then by all means, it was well worth my outpouring.
I will have 14 years sober in May...I told some friends that today.  Sometimes I tend to forget the real miracles God has worked in my life.  Man, I'm grateful and humbled by His mercy.  All Thanksgiving to Jesus for his kindness and gift of sobriety.
  I am the most imperfect person I know.  It's nice to know that I can be myself here, admit that, and grow from it.  I don't always do the right thing.  I cuss too much, I get mad, I overeat, I gossip.  I lose my cool, and let the devil steal my joy all too often.  But, I also know that these are all things that I would like to work on, and I pray about.  I don't claim to have ANY answers, I am no Bible scholar, but I am searching, listening, and willing to let God shape me, through other people, His word, and life experiences.  God has the answers, and it's our job to seek them. I will do my best to share what I find here, stay tuned...