Happy 2011

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. Use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. Be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge sink in and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love."
~unknown 

Merry Christmas

When we focus on what we have, instead of what we don't, we become grateful and filled with joy.  That is my wish for everyone this Christmas Eve.  Peace, joy, and gratitude.  The birth of a baby boy fulfilled it all.  Jesus is the ultimate Christmas gift.  This Christmas I am praying for those that don't know our King to find Him and worship Him.  For those that do know Him, but have forgotten His promises, renewal.  Merry Christmas to all, safe travels, and warm, generous hearts for a new 2011.

love to all,
Sarah

Redefining Christmas

Christmas time is here...happiness and cheer.  I find myself this year redefining Christmas at 33 years of age, and well, it's really a trip.  I always have had a nature to please people...to be everything to everyone, all my life.  This is unrealistic.  I know.  It's no secret now, that I haven't had a relationship with my parents or any of my family in over a year.  It's been a really hard year for me, honestly.  Just ask my friends and husband.  However, nothing compares to 2008 finding out that David had a huge tumor growing from his outer hip bone and the waiting, nail biting, to find out if it was malignant, or benign.  His surgery was December 17th that year, and it was a long painful recovery, in which he still worked, building our business, shooting 38 weddings and many sessions, in alot of pain.  I look back on that, and am amazed at how we all held it together, because I was terrified, and so was he.  Because God has been so very good to the Colemans, it was benign.  During that trying time, I learned to lean on my favorite scripture, which I quote often, to all that it can help.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

The perfect word of Christ did bring me that peace that "transcends all understanding" during the end of 2008, but this last year, I have not had that peace.  It escaped me.  I tried to pray, and was still mad.  I was so filled with anger, hurt, and upset; processing such a jumbled mess of emotions that ranged from sad to mad, and back again.  I had been abandoned by those that supposedly loved me unconditionally and I couldn't believe it.  I still can't, really.  I have grieved it all, as you might have seen in previous entries here.  Just in the last 2 months am I embracing life and this season, without my family.  The holidays bring thoughts of memories, nostalgia, good times with family.  I'm just holding on to those.  They were good, so I will leave them in my memory as such.  Some weren't at all good.  I'm letting those go.  I am coming to allow myself to enjoy the holidays this year, without my family.  Last year, honestly, I did not.  I was miserable and sad.  This year I am embracing the joy of the present with Maya and Noah, with David, with our friends.  I doubt things with my family will ever change, so that meant, I had to change.  Roll with the punches, they say, right?  So having done that, here I am, December 2nd...allowing myself to get excited about Christmas, listening to Christmas music without crying, looking forward to what my life and those that have chosen to be in it will bring.  I am not out to please anyone anymore in my family for Christmas, it's feeling quite nice.  *sigh of relief*  I just get to be me, unpretentious me, enjoying the holidays in a new way.  It's funny how we adapt and change with age and circumstances thrust upon us.  In that comes growth, and I am growing, learning, and loving this time.  I have much to be grateful for, it's time to live, love and laugh for Christmas!   True family is who we make it.

Here are my top 20 things I have to be thankful for this Christmas:

20. Church on Christmas Eve with acapella Christmas carols, candles, and the peace that comes with that special night

19. Mistletoe because I like to catch sweet kisses underneath it now and then from Mr. Coleman
18. White Christmases, with pretty sparkly lights shining through the snow
17. The spirit of giving to one another, the pure joy of watching someone open something you were excited to give them
16. Grace that allows people to be just a little kinder during the Holidays...well, most people. ;)  Peace on Earth and good will towards men
15. Hot chocolate with a candy cane haging off the side...and lotsa marshmallows
14. Baking and icing sugar cookies with the kids and David
13. Christmas music that allows me to get lost in the Season
12. My nativity that keeps me focused on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.
11. My Christmas tree and all the keepsake ornaments on it that remind me of the last 9 years of our togetherness as a family
10.Sobriety and the miracles that exist because of it
09. Love--because it exists, I am whole
08. My home, my refuge, my shelter - it's where my heart is ;)
07. A lucrative business that allows us to be comfortable and give to others
06.The good health of all I hold dear
05. My dearest friends who accept me flaws and all, as I accept them.  I don't just like them, I love them
04. The joyful little funny dogs that melt my heart, Tatoes and Frankie
03. 2 children I love with all my heart like my own, but are not mine, Maya and Noah
02.The gift of marriage to my best friend and soulmate, David
01. The birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ

Merry Christmas,
Sarah