Answers and Questions

Satan is a terrorist. Wreaking havoc on our spiritual lives, disturbing our peace, hurting our hearts, breaking our families, messing with our marriages, destroying our kids, and hurting our friendships. I am ANGRY because of this, looking for answers, wondering why, and most importantly wondering what in the world am I to learn from these crappy times while Satan is terrorizing my family?? Sometimes subtle, silent terror is worse than yelling and screaming dysfunction.
A couple of things I read today by Norm Rasmussen really brought this concept home and answered my questions:
1.When God directly sends a trial our way, it is always because of His love for us. When Satan sends a trial our way, it is always because of his hate for us. If we have a true, sincere heart for Jesus, you above all people are hated by demonic powers, above all others. Never forget that.
2. God is 100% sovereign over what demonic powers are allowed to do in our lives. He always has been. He always will be. Every trial demonic powers launch against a child of God first must pass through the screening of our heavenly Father. We see this fact clearly - long before Jesus Christ defeated Satan at the cross - in the Old Testament Book of Job.
3. Just because Satan is allowed by God to launch a painful attack upon us does not mean that God delights in it happening. On the contrary -- many things God permits … but He doesn’t take personal delight in the pain it causes those who are suffering.
4. God will deal with evil as His plan unfolds to deal with it and destroy it, in accordance with His written Word. God has a plan alright to destroy evil on this planet – it just is going to get executed on God’s timetable, not ours.
Norm went onto say that the important thing we must seek through prayer and keep in our mind is:
What am I to learn from/through this trial?"
Then keep asking and keep trusting until you get your answer.
So here I go...I came to the conclusion through reading scripture and searching for answers while so frustrated a few days ago, last time I blogged, that I am to seek my Heavenly Father's approval, and not my earthly parents. The more I do this, the more I please God. Check. ....And through prayer, God sometimes tells us no. Check. I am to learn from this sad time in my life, resist the devil, and it will somehow result in spiritual growth. Check...I get the concept, but am still working on accepting it.
But then why, why am I still so angry with my parents and their hateful behavior? Why am I having such a hard time letting go of the hurt, hurt that goes back 30 years? Why does the loss of their relationship with me hurt so much?
When I get mad and angry, I tend to go looking for someone to blame, and I found my answer, it's Satan run amuck in my family and I hate it. I know that much. Then I start to doubt myself. Am I good enough to be heard by God? I mean I know He loves me, but are my prayers too short, to the point, full of distraction and come off as insincere, even though He knows my heart? Sometimes I just don't feel "good" enough.

I bet I sound like a whiny ninny. Maybe God will drop these answers in my path...sounds like another blog and time to hit my knees.