jotting down in January

It's 1 lousy degree outside! I will be staying in today, thank you. I have started my new regimen of meds for my PCOS...the acne seems to be maybe starting to clear up some!
Last night we watched Julie and Julia, and it hit me while Julie was blogging and had an argument with her hubby, how self serving it really is. However, I need to do this, when I get things down on "virtual" paper, I seem to feel better, feel good, feel heard. I spent a large portion of my life not being heard. Some might think it's silly, I just feel blessed to have an outlet.

I started thinking about the homeless people we serve today, how are they doing it? I see the wrinkled faces and the rough exteriors at ICO and I just think to myself, it's times like these that cause such lines and wrinkles. Years of battling nature, addictions, poverty and pain. I wonder about their families. Do they have relatives? One man, Randy, told me he prefers to live on the street. He doesn't want to go to a shelter or camp with the others. He prefers the solitude. Where is he today I wonder? Then I feel like a loser of a human being for sitting inside in the warmth speculating about all this in my comfy chair. I see flurries outside. More to come?

I ran across this today, and thought it was too great not to share:

"Until you settle the issue of your own worth, it's impossible to bring holiness into anyone else's life. Until you understand that your worth is already determined by the fact of your birth, everything else is an exercise in propping up a dying tree."
~ Carol Brazo ~

In a world where we are bombarded with things to make us feel crappy about ourselves it's so important to remember we are wonderfully made. For God's reason I am Sarah, sometimes I wanna beat her, I surely don't like her body, and sometimes when my own family is hateful to me I can feel pretty unlovable. But then when I look at the larger picture, that I am in recovery, to share that with others and glorify God through the work he has done in my life. I am a step-mom to two kids that try my patience, but truly need my guidance, unconditional love, and support. I am married to a wonderful man that accepts me flaws and all. My life is nothing more than a vessel. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, I feel like I am continually blessed. Now lemme tell you, am I this introspective about God's will for my life and my role to please Him every day? No, no I am not. In fact, I wish that I could be. But today after I read that quote, it just put it in perspective for me. I'd like to hold onto that hope and inspiration in my feelings about myself for as long as possible. I hope my few little select folks that read this can take away the same feeling, you are wonderful and just who God intends you to be, flaws and all! How often are we trying to "prop up a dying tree"?