July's word of the month: Acceptance

I'm baaaaaaack! :) Yeah, wow...what a wonderfully fun month June was: Relay for Life, weddings galore, and David's mom's visit, and hosting charity garage sales, and lotsa fun outings to Branson, new iMac for David and iPads for us both, and new iPhone 4's on the wayyyy - busy as all get out!  It's July and we are having a weekend to catch our breath due to a wedding cancellation, and it's actually been such a blessing in disguise. So here's some random ramblings I was thinking about today...

I'm feeling great, like really great.  David and I had a conversation the other night...about me not having a family anymore.  He said, "you know how great our marriage is, most people don't get what we have together.  Yes, you don't have bio-kids, and yes, your parents are from another planet, buuuuut you have ME!!"  ...And what a friend I have in my husband; he's the complete package.  One poignant thing my mom always said to me that keeps resounding in my mind is, "nobody gets it all".  She was right...noone does.  So it's a trade off, in my mind at this point.  Healthy functioning marriage, amazingly fulfilling and lucrative business VS. in my mind, what should have been...  Interesting to ponder.  Then I bring God into play(or rather He brings me into play)...and David and I, for a year or so now, have talked about traveling while doing mission work, or being able to use our photography for good. This sounds strange, I am sure, but I haven't really prayed about God's plan to implement David and I....I'm almost scared to...does that make sense?  Sometimes things manifest that are beyond our control...and what if He takes me outside my comfort zone, and I'm not ready!  I digress... Well, anyway...my point is, there are reasons, God implored reasons, why life is the way it is right now. On your darkest day, with your worst hurt, there are reasons.  I did what God laid on my heart as far as trying to reconcile with true forgiveness and peace...and was stomped into the ground by Satan's handiwork of embittered hearts and sickened souls, resulting in my grief-filled depression this last Winter.  So now I must guard my heart as I move forward. {Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23}.  Sooooooo, I remain faithful, and this, combined with David's unwavering support, amazingly positive friends, a nifty dog-buddy, a functioning relationship with the kids, and my God who promises not to give me more than I can handle, just wait and take in life.  Breath it in.  I'm just sitting tight, relishing in the sweet happy moments of date nights, and girl outings with friends, the joys of shooting a wedding, cuddling my pup, and working for good causes.  Good moments abound, and my estranged family misses out.  I mourn only for a moment, a fleeting thought...then delight in the gifts God keeps giving me, because at the end of the day, I am so grateful for my life, and my family.  God knows my heart...and this thought too, keeps me content, even in strife.  It's ok.  "Acceptance and hope" is the last stage of the of 7 stages of grief, and I have felt them all.  I accept my new life without my family, and hope and pray it will be different some day. In the mean time, I will keep my head up, my heart humble and open, and LOVE my precious life.  It is a good life, and it's amazing to be able to be this happy.  I don't have it all, but I sure love and am grateful for what I do have.